MORE SUSPENDED SENTENCES

1. BILLIONS OF HUMANS BELIEVE IN GOD, WITH NO EVIDENCE THAT HE BELIEVES IN THEM.



2. AFTER YOU THINK ABOUT IT A WHILE, VEGAN LESBIANISM MAKES SENSE.



3. I HAVE NEVER HAD A HEART OF GOLD, BUT I NOW HAVE A ONE-INCH STEEL STENT IN IT.



4. MY HERMIT BROTHER IS MOVING INTO A BLOG CABIN.



5. POLL-UTION.



6. GUATEMALAN REBELS ARE CALLED TALIBANANAS.


7. IF ATHLETES ARE FORBIDDEN STEROIDS, MODELS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO USE SILICONE.



8. THE MOST EVIL, MOST DESTRUCTIVE ACHIEVEMENT OF RELIGION IS THE EQUATION OF "SEX" WITH "DIRT."



9. ONE CANNOT DO VERY MUCH WITH HANDS JOINED AND KNEES ON THE GROUND--OUTSIDE OF SEX,



10. FOR FREE INFORMATION ON HOW TO BECOME MY "SIGNIFICANT OTHER," SEND ME NINE DOLLARS.



11. WOULDN'T IT BE SIMPLER JUST TO DECLARE WAR AGAINST THE REST OF THE WORLD?



12. BLAMING COLLEGES FOR THE FAILURE OF OUR HIGH SCHOOLS IS LIKE BLAMING HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOMS FOR TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS.



13. IF USING POT, COCAINE, AND HEROIN SUPPORTS TERRORISM, THEN SO DOES BUYING COFFEE, BANANAS, CHOCOLATE AND ANYTHING ELSE PRODUCED IN SLAVE-LABOR COUNTRIES.



14. YOU MAY ALREADY BE ALL YOU ARE EVER GOING TO BE: HOW SAD!



15. BAD X-RATED JOKES: CORNOGRAPHY.



16. LOOKING AT THE WORLD SOBERLY DRIVES ME TO DRINK.



17. MORE PRECIOUS TO ME THAN POEMS I WRITE ARE WOMEN WHO ARE POEMS I BREATHE.



18. YOUR EYES ARE LOVELIEST, YOUR SMILE MOST SWEET, WHEN YOU SCHEME AND STEAL, LIE AND CHEAT.



19. WHAT DISTURBS US MOST ABOUT THE HOMELESS IS THEIR VISIBILITY.



20. WHY DO WE CONDEMN LAWYERS FOR BEING AS GREEDY AS EVERYBODY ELSE?



21. THE PERSON HARDEST TO LISTEN TO IS ONESELF: TRY IT.



22. I DO NOT SUPPORT FREEDOM OF SCREECH.



23. HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHY HOT DOGS AREN'T MADE IN THE SHAPE OF A BASEBALL BAT?



24. TV RERUNS: BANAL RETENTION.



25. CHANGE IN WHITE HOUSE RHETORIC: BULL SHIFT.



26. SUDDENLY YOUR VOICE IS SOFTER, MORE UNDER CONTROL: I KNOW YOU'RE LYING.



27. WAR-CAUSED SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION: COITUS INTERRORUPTUS.



28. CONSIDER THE TRAGEDY OF THE SNIPER WHO DEVELOPS PARKINSON'S DISEASE.



29. YOU DO NOT NEED A CARROT AND A STICK IF YOU CAN BEAT THE SONUVABITCH TO DEATH WITH A CARROT.



30. CAPITAL PUNISHMENT IS A REMNANT OF ANCIENT HUMAN SACRIFICES: AT LEAST THEY DID IT WITH CLASS.



31. I HAVE BEEN CITED, NOT FOR CARRYING AN OPEN CONTAINER OF ALCOHOL, BUT FOR BEING AN OPEN CONTAINER OF ALCOHOL.



32. BURNING FLAGS COULD PROMOTE PEACE IF THEY WERE MADE OF MARIJUANA